well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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