Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
