How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
