singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
