I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
