so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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