My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Watching her eat just hurts me
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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