Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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