I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
