Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
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