From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't deserve a penis
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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