2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
