Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
