I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
