dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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