thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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