Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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