The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
