Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
