i already hear my dad disowning me
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
