2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
