I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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