I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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