You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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