i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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