I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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