I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
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And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
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all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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