I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
