It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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