I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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