I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I want to be your penis for a week.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
