Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
