My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
