I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
