It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
