i already hear my dad disowning me
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
