i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
