i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
