I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
