Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
