when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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