yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
