i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
