i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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