I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
