There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
