I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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