Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
that is very illegal...i love you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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