I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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