At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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