i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
