he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
