I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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