how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
