Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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