4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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