i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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