I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
