He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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