They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
