fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
