it wasn't lemon gatorade
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
