He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You may now shotgun with the bride
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
