well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
