i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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