i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
