There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
