So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
