You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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