im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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