I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
