Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
