Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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