If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm at about main and main street
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
