so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
