The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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