For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
