ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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